Status Quo Reject?

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been'

Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love,
that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave


Brave, Nichole Nordeman

Giggles are Precious

Because I laugh every time I watch this:

The Wow Factor.

Can there really be only 7 days until I am finished with this semester? Somehow, it is true.

Somehow, it's also stunning to consider the fact that I only have 3 semesters left until I am free to waltz into the real world (and probably realize that I want to go back to the comforts of school). At this point life beyond school sounds lovely... I'm ready for another change in pace; but, 'tis true that I all-too-often find the grass greener on the other side of the fence, so that anticipation and wonder will probably fade quickly when I find bills, continuous work, and the lack of fall breaks, christmas breaks, summer breaks, etc. Yet, 3 semesters left is close enough to make me think about life after college. Sure, I'll be working; but what else will fill my time. Thankfully, I won't have to study for things like pharmacology during every waking hour... but what will I do?

As I've written before, last summer included lots of time for reading... which led to God reforming and molding my thoughts about what it really means to follow Christ. Incredible books challenged me to question my lifestyle, my choices, and my comforts---to see those areas that I can step out, change, strengthen or use more whole-heartedly in a fully Kingdom-glorifying way. I've also started to change my focus or my reasoning for other desires in life... I would love to work as a nurse, get married, have a family; but even those ordinary things are being remolded, in subtle yet huge ways.

Nursing. It's so much more than a job. It's a ministry and a mission. Who knows where I will actually land after college, but at this point, I'm thinking that I might end up in a trauma unit or an intensive care unit. Granted those dreams might change a bit when I walk into reality, but it's exciting to think about---something that is has a low nurse:patient ratio so that I can focus and pour into a few people's lives.

Marriage. I am, obviously, inexperienced in this area (duh). But over the last while I have been gathering gems from people all over the spectrum of life... the biggest lesson I am learning right now is that love, especially love in a marriage, is a choice. You might not always feel like loving them (come on, [most] people do not wake up looking gorgeous in the morning), but you have to choose to love them. Marriage is so much more than him and her and the fun of being married. Don't get me wrong---those things are good, great. It is so much more than just a pretty ring, a beautiful ceremony and, oh that's right, a whole lot of years with your best friend. It's two people brought together because they are stronger together (more of my thoughts on the idea here). There's a greater purpose; they are together to minister to others. Oh, goodness, that's just so exciting to think about. Living ordinary lives, but being hospitable, reaching out, and exhibiting Christ's redeeming love through the marriage, through living life with your best friend.

Kiddos. Whether biological or adopted kids, I am excited about starting, growing and loving a family. I don't foresee kids any time soon (again, duh) but, in due time, doing parent-y things like not allowing them to get french fries all the time, but getting the now available nutritious apple fries; putting a sign on the door, warning my husband about a crazy day and the loss of my sanity. And, of course, teaching them all the things that I have been learning. Teaching them to love God, follow Jesus and love others. Teaching them that Jesus was not only friends with the loveables, but the unloveables. Teachign them to live in simplicity to remind us of the abundant blessings in life and to use those blessings to bless others. Teaching them to pick a few things that they do well and using each for a ministry. Teaching them to encourage others.

Interesting musings I'm sure, and these are definitely not all of my thoughts on the subject. The best thing would be a chai, an overstuffed chair, and some good conversation. But, this is a good way to spend my in-between-phone-calls-moments at work.

Break.

Back from one break.


8 days until another break. (and 5 tests in the meantime.)


195 days until an extremely exciting break. (Please pray that God will provide the funds quickly!!!)

Thanksgiving break.



I hope it's really a break.

'Tis True.

Never thought I'd see the day. . .


Drinking Turkey Hill Iced Tea, made in Pennsylvania, sold in Ohio. What?! Now sold in Ohio??!


Oh well, I'm happy! : )

Quote it.

Peace is not the product of terror or fear.
Peace is not the silence of cemeteries.
Peace is not the silent result of violent repression.
Peace is the generous,
tranquil contribution of all
to the good of all.
Peace is dynamism.
Peace is generosity.
It is right and it is duty.

- Archbishop Oscar Romero

Times Like These.

Yet again, it's times like these that make me think about life, the precious state of life and it's unpredictability.

In about 24 hours, two people I know passed away. I only know them by name/face association, but it's still enough of shock to make you think twice about life. One was a primary school classmate... He was 20-years-old and died on Tuesday evening from injuries sustained in a horrible car accident earlier this week.

The other attended the same high school as me... She was in her late teens, a freshman in college. She received a diagnosis of acute leukemia two weeks ago, but, despite chemo, it was already life-threatening. She passed away last evening.

I'm sure that several people impacted by one of these young deaths are also impacted by the other. Especially for these people, losing two people unexpectedly in 24 hours is sure to be heartbreaking. If either of these situations come to mind, please remember and pray for the families and friends of these young adults.

Time Left.

Only 3.5 weeks of school left in this semester. 4 weeks by the calendar, but 3.5 or less when you subtract Thanksgiving break! Wow.

Made my end of the semester schedule... I think I will have more than enough of projects, quizzes, tests, finals, etc. etc. Yay. Ha.

Somehow the motivation is lacking at the moment... but it needs to kick into high gear----there's a pharm test tomorrow! Yikes.

Antimicrobials.

The next few days of my life consist of . . .

- antimicrobials & antibiotics
- dysrhythmic drugs
- anemia
- labor and delivery care plan
- case study on a mom, newborn and family
- surrogate mothers
- sterile dressing changes

Jealous?

An Excerpt.

An excerpt from an article in a Sojourners email that landed in my inbox today. On some of the changes in politics. . .

Third, we see a broadening of the agenda with fewer
single issue voters. “Pro-life” voters are realizing that their faith calls for
a consistent ethic of life from "womb to tomb.” Voters are now judging
candidates based on who best addresses all the threats to human life and
dignity. And for some, a more pragmatic strategy of serious abortion reduction,
rather than a strategy of continuing only to try to make abortion illegal, is
appealing. It is becoming a common ground that could break the ideological
deadlock of the past 30 years. This consistent ethic of life has caused a
significant shift in the political agenda of many Christians by expanding their
definition of what it means to be pro-life. They are tired of political
pandering to the issue that seems to be more about winning elections than
pragmatic solutions.

Agreed.

Even though it's post-election, some thoughts from Derek Webb, singer/songwriter, brought to my attention from a friend on Facebook:

Part 1: A Brief Statement On Matters Of Conscience

Depending on when you’re reading this, we could be on either side of one of the most evocative elections in our country’s recent history. It shouldn’t really matter, as this writing isn’t necessarily about our current election but rather on living an honest and integrated political life. Even so, there is no time for clever stories or introductions. I’ll cut right to the chase: ultimately our problems will not be solved by the right man (or woman) in the White House. It simply doesn’t work that way. We live in a democracy, a representative form of government, where it’s as much if not more our responsibility to love and take care of our neighbors than our politician’s responsibility. Real and lasting change comes from knowing and loving the folks who live in the houses that sit next to ours rather than saving all of our longing and hope for the voting booth.

Now that’s not to say that we shouldn’t make informed decisions, be involved in the process. Of course we should. I mean, if your conscience allows, you can even vote. But that’s tricky, especially in a two party system (but I definitely don’t have time for that).

But in all seriousness, I want to be perfectly clear on this point: it is never advisable, in any decision that you make, to violate your conscience. As it applies to this election, you might have serious moral conflicts with both candidates, and therefore feel as though you must vote in a defensive manner or for the lesser of two evils.
Now let me say before I go any further that that may not be you. And in terms of the body of followers of Jesus, it would likely be sinful if we were all reaching the same conclusions on how to best love our neighbors, so there’s plenty of room for a difference of opinion there. But if that is you, I have a few suggestions:

1. Look through your bible for a mandate that you must vote.

2. When you don’t find one, listen to that conscience of yours. That’s what it’s there for, to be a guide and a red flag when you’re making difficult and significant decisions.

What I’m not saying: you should not vote.

What I am saying: if your conscience is seriously conflicted over both candidates, you are at liberty to not vote.

Part 2: Some Common Objections

Some would say that not voting is giving your vote over to those who seek to use the governmental process for evil. I would actually argue the opposite. By voting, especially when based on just one or two issues, you’re giving your ‘yes’ and ‘amen’ to that party’s entire platform, which likely goes far beyond the statement you’re trying to make on these few issues. This is certainly more perilous and less nuanced than abstaining altogether. No party can co-opt a vote that isn’t cast.

Others would say, ‘Jesus said to “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.” Therefore we have a biblical obligation to vote.’ And of course Jesus said that. That’s why I pay my taxes and try to drive the speed limit. These are among the laws of the land. But my conscience doesn’t belong to Caesar, therefore I don’t render it unto him. Caesar cannot force me to violate my conscience. Voting is a legal right, like carrying a gun or having an abortion. And I can abstain from doing anything that I have a legal right to if it violates my conscience.

Some say that we’ll never completely agree with the agenda or platform of a politician, that if we wait for a candidate that we line up with 100% we’ll never vote. I completely agree. There are many issues upon which I can disagree with a politician that don’t amount to a crisis of conscience. So there will always be necessary and acceptable compromises to make when engaging in the system of politics, but never when your conscience is on the line.

Which brings my to the last common objection: our forefathers fought and even shed blood so that we would have the right to vote. While there’s obviously nothing in this statement that I would disagree with, there is a context to consider. Even greater than our forefather’s sacrifices are those of our heavenly Father, who also shed blood in order to stir in us an allegiance greater than that of nation. We have an ultimate allegiance to our King and the Kingdom he’s building in and through us that trumps all others.

In the early 1520s Martin Luther famously stood before a general assembly in Germany, at the beginnings of what’s known as the protestant reformation. In his legendary speech Luther risked excommunication and death in order to keep from violating his conscience when he said, “To go against conscience is neither right nor safe. I cannot, and I will not recant. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.”

These matters of conscience are serious and should be considered at great length. I have many friends who have considered the issues of this current election in all their nuances and have chosen to vote for either Obama, McCain, or a 3rd party candidate, and I support them in doing so. Again, we are diverse members of one body in our following of Jesus. It would be suspicious if we all reached identical conclusions to such complex problems. So again, maybe there is no conflict of conscience for you in this election. By all means vote. But if there is, be at liberty not to vote.

Our ultimate hope is not in politicians or powers or governments, but in a day coming when all things will be made right. And our ultimate concern isn’t success but faithfulness. So if you find it necessary to abstain from voting in this election because to do so would be a violation of your conscience, be at liberty to remain faithful and leave the worry of success or outcome to God. He, after all, created governments in the first place.

Give Me Your Eyes

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos.
All those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
all those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah

I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

Chorus (x2)

Give Me Your Eyes, Brandon Heath

Hmmm. yesssss.

::(in)sanity update::

The days and weeks continue to fly by; I guess that's one advantage to the lengthy list of assignments, quizzes, tests, observations, projects. . . But, there are times when I feel like I hardly have time to breathe. It's good I didn't know that this is what it would be like, lest I may have backed out before I began. I knew it would be hard; but this insane, and this draining?! Just a glimpse: I have an project due on Monday in clinical, a quiz in clinical on Tuesday, a test on Wednesday, another quiz on Thursday and more skills validations on Friday.

That's just this week.

The whole process keeps repeating itself until December 12th.

More and more I find myself longing for graduation. . . longing for a life free from homework in the evenings, studying on the weekends and reading 1000-page books. I know life after college will hold it's own demands, responsibilities and stresses. But, I am looking forward to the change in pace. And hopefully some kind of relaxation.

At this point, I almost don't have time to think beyond the tip of my nose or the next day on the calendar---which is absolutely pathetic. Thankfully, Sundays have been a true day of rest including time for reading (for fun) and thinking. Allowing God to poke and prod and pull, as He continues to mold my ideals, my interests, my cares, for His glory and His Kingdom. That's been happening a lot over the last several months; lots of new thoughts: sometimes jumbled, but always interesting thoughts!

Jesus, please give me patience. Why one would ever pray for patience, I'm not sure. But, I'm in the circumstances, now I need the patience.


And please make it quick!

Oh, So Far Away.

235 DAYS.

I cannot wait.

Love Them Like Jesus

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus,
carry her to Him
His yoke is easy,
His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus


Love Them Like Jesus, Casting Crowns

Roping a Deer

I know it's early, but. . . for those who recognize opening day of deer season as a holiday... I thought you'd enjoy this.

(Actual letter from someone who farms and writes well!)

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.

I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that, pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

Politics that Pull Us Down

I felt the need to share what has been fluttering through my mind recently.

Election season means lots of passionate debate, heated arguments, prideful praising and hateful bashing. It brings out the best and the worst in people. That's nothing new. But, I have been repeatedly stunned by the number of followers of Christ who are bashing, bludgeoning and despising one candidate or the other. Elections, especially presidential elections, give us an excuse to share our beliefs boldly, loudly and by color (take your pick, red or blue).

Yet, somehow we also seem to think it gives us an excuse to be absolutely and completely disrespectful.

Without much thought, we bash one candidate or the other calling them "idiots," "jerks," or worse. Recently my Sunday school teacher challenged us to remember this reality when we are debating political issues with "the other side." He relayed the following story.

He is affiliated with the Democratic party, and has worked for years to build a relationship with many Democrats. As he told us, these relationships allow him to share the gospel in countless ways. Specifically, he had been building a relationship with a worker in the Democratic presidential campaign for several months. However, recently he was campaigning at a local fair or festival and observed hateful and shameful behavior. The booth campaigning for Barack Obama happened to be surrounded by several local church booths. Throughout the entire festival, the churches bashed, taunted and verbally abused the campaign workers.

As the teacher reminded us with tears in his eyes and anger in his voice, in one evening of disrespectful bashing, followers of Jesus completely destroyed the relationship he was building with this campaign worker. For now, what will this man associate church with? Bashing, disrespectful hypocrites.

This can happen in reverse too, with the Right-winged party receiving disrespectful bashing from blue-minded people. I don't care who you support, who you fear might win the election, who will earn your vote in November or who you think doesn't fit the job description.

I'm not saying we can't state our disagreement with someone or state how our values differ from someone else's values. I need to remember this too, for I easily and quickly say things out of passionate disagreement without realizing the impact those words may be having. You see, we are citizens of another kingdom, one that we are either promoting or demoting with every action and every word.

So, when does disagreement give us a license to disrespect? What does name-calling (yes, even during political season) do for the glory of Christ?

Friends, please remember that people, whether we like them or not and whether we agree with them or not, are a mission field. We do not know the times and ways of God's plans; He may be working and moving within that person as you relate to them. You are the hands and feet of Christ to the people you meet, the people you talk to, the people you argue with.

What image of Christ do they see in you?

Sophisticated

Hahahahaha.

Ellen Calls Gladys

Just for laughs. : )

Much Appreciation.

Yesterday I decided to check out Derek Webb's cd "The Ringing Bell" and found that I really liked several of his songs. His music on this cd definitely touches on some controversial topics... mainly peace and justice. I also looked up some reviews of the cd---a lot of which were annoyed that this "great artist in the past" had neglected to continue in that tradition... he's angry and cynical, resorting to and even supporting pacifism.

Gasp. Perhaps that's why I like it.

I also like several of the songs because I appreciated the way Derek explained his thoughts behind these songs and what experiences inspired the songs. Listen to the interview here. (Hopefully the link works.) It's about 40 minutes long, but the interview shows that Derek is not angry---he just believes that a third way (peace) is possible. He also talks about the importance of being peaceful and gracious as you talk about peace vs. violence... otherwise, aren't we just being hypocritical? Agreed.

Check it out.

Re-powering During a Power Outage.

Remnants of Hurricane Ike hit Ohio on Sunday as evidenced by. . .

- shingles flying off of the roof
- young adult men practically falling over while trying to walk forward
- pitch black bathrooms (sort of like using an outhouse in the middle of the night. Except during the day. with a flashlight under the arm.)
- cold showers in the dark
- heading to bed at 8:00 pm because there was nothing to do in the dark and the serotonin was kicking in
- emergency food in a cafeteria with emergency lighting
- no clinicals for two whole days!

Most of all . . .

- a God whose timing is impeccable... we needed that break so much! This power outage meant we had to stop and take some time to relax and recharge.

Now we're up, off and running again!

Who am I?

There's nothing like a Difficult (with a capital D, mind you) test to bring you back to reality and make you realize Who your identity is in.

Thankfully self-imposed standards, whether too tight or too lax, are not the standards used by Him who gets us through each day.

Gotta love those days when your thoughts are trailing in a dozen different directions, and especially those semesters when you hardly even have a chance to breathe. Swimming against the current? The "yes" box is checked because sometimes it seems that way.

Jehovah Jireh. That's all I can say.

Nothing Much.

It's a little hard to know what to write when life goes racing by and you are just trying to catch your breathe during every free minute. It's been an demanding and sometimes overwhelming amount of work in the last 3 weeks. And, of course I pulled the lucky number to win a battle with a cold that has now settled into hacking coughs. It'd be really nice if that would stop. And, yes, I am getting my vitamin C. I even have a whole bottle of orange juice for tomorrow.

There hasn't been much time for thinking beyond school. Some thoughts, but they're all tangled and jumbled so they wouldn't make much sense.

And, as always, it's interesting to be the purple sheep. . . not red, not blue, but purple amidst a majority conservative population. What should we talk about? . . . Politics?

How 'bout not. Let's not even start.

. . . Well, since it's a night before clinical I need to get all my stuff together and head to bed. It's gotta be an early bedtime because it's gonna be way too early of a morning tomorrow!

Come on over.

Here are a few peeks into our room... the golden glow we successfully achieved doesn't show up very well, but it gives the general idea!

Pictures Soon to Come; Stay Tuned.

Once I get used to the approaching storm, or when I have a moment of peace sometime, I will take and post some pictures of my home for this school year. I love the room, the roommate and we achieved the biggest of successes in dorm-room living: a lovely golden glow instead of that ugly fluorescent light.

Beat that.

Miles per Gallon of the first tank of gas on this trip:

take a guess...
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.
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.
.
.
.
.
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.
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41 miles per gallon.

booyah.

To Be Done Tomorrow.

It's a usual transition, one that I've been through before. But, as always, there are parts of it that I forgot about---the chaos, the disorganization, the strange feeling of packing one's entire life for the next 8 or 9 months. Tonight I felt entirely unmotivated to get anything packed... which is evident by the utter mess I left behind for tomorrow's to-do list!

How's that for an early case of procrastination?

Profitable Yard Sales. Literally.

Mom and I ventured out to some yard sales this morning, and goodness! We found the bargains! Among them: $0.50 pants, $0.25 vases, $1.00 hassock, $0.25 little girls' clothing for a friend and...

$1.50

Yes, I found another bag... a cute one with an unknown treasure inside.


$1.75 in change!

I got the bag for free, and even made a little bit! : )

Finale.

Another season of work came to a close this evening... They were some of the dearest people I have ever met, and I will miss seeing them so often. Yet, I am so excited to be moving on once again, climbing the ladder of learning so that I don't have to do the "dirty work" for the rest of my life. The good thing about this experience, though, is that I will have more appreciation for and (hopefully) greater sympathy towards my aides someday.

But, look at the time... of course, I'm energized now (purely adrenaline, though) and not feeling sleepy. However we've gotta do some shopping tomorrow, so I need to rest up! : )

A quote I read recently (loosely translated, as I remember it):

Not every day is good, but there is something good in every day.

Zoom Zoom.

You know those time when you try with all your might to slow your thoughts and wish upon all your luck that your mind would decide to take a break at least once in a while?

Nope. Midnight is not a fun time to have a racing brain. Perhaps a post will result later though.

Terribly many things, changes, thoughts and (wonderful) challenges in life at the moment.

Wind up to Wind down.

Only a very few short weeks until I, once again, make the trek to college.

This summer has absolutely flown by, although it's been greatly different. Work was "the same," but it also brought new challenges and new joys. The break from homework meant loads more time to read what I wanted to read. : ) But again, new discoveries, challenges, thought provokers. Changes in life opened up time to spend reaching out... on a small scale, but beyond my comfort zone.

I'm gearing myself up for the routine of school again, and even looking forward to some aspects of it... I generally like at least a small dose of routine. Although, I won't need much time in school to realize how much I miss the summer break!

There will probably be more thoughts in the next several days as I pack up my life, yet again.

My mind twirls and whirls all the time; there's hardly ever a moment's rest from thinking.

Traffic.

Sitting in traffic.

Almost 1 hour, only 2 miles.

Lots of thinking time.

Lots of thoughts to think.

Got humility?

This struck me this morning. A lesson, or rather a song, on humility. . . living like Jesus means learning to be humble.

This week has held several firsts, but yesterday's first was the hardest.

I didn't know what to say, what to talk about. It was easiest to just say hi and leave it at that. I wish I could have been humble enough to admit that, yes this is awkward, but also silly. I wish I would have been humble but not so shy or scared.

I failed at being humble enough to recognize that there is another person involved in this, probably with his own uncertainties and hurts.

There's reasons, there's excuses, but it's time for me to, once again, give this burden to Jesus and let Him hold it and take care of it.

Things will get worked out. I know they will. He is Gracious beyond my awkwardness, Loving beyond my shyness, and Faithful my lack of humility. One day it will make sense; one day it will bring Him glory.

Update needed?

I guess I should update on life, although it's been typical of life: unpredictable!

Some wacky bug hit me yesterday and cut a day's work short for some much needed rest and cold drinks... I haven't had a fever like that for a long time! Today I was feeling better, although not quite back to normal, so the day off was an added blessing.

I've finished another book and started on yet another one... somehow I'm running out of time to read an incredible amount of books. Hopefully vacation time later this summer will prove mightily fruitful in the reading realm.


It's July, already??


Only 45 days of summer left for me.


woweeeee.

The Floater.

The floater saves our lives while we're at work. Or rather, our sanity.


No such luck tonight.


No floater.

I Luff My Car.

35 MPG.


nuff said.

His Beauty. My Encouragement.

My mind and my spirit are tired. I would benefit from a cabin in the woods with a porch and a chair and some hot chocolate right about now. Sometimes I just feel like that little bug... so small and hanging on during an unexpected and unpredictable ride...


But, I am so grateful that Jesus has all the time in the world to lift us up. Yet He also creates, paints, and arranges to encourage us with His beauty...

Timely.

"Who is the man who reverently fears and worships the Lord? Him shall He teach in the way that he should choose. He himself shall dwell at ease."

Psalm 25:12-13 AMP




Jesus, please make this my reality tonight.

That Thing Called Love.

Love is handing your heart to someone and taking the risk that they will hand it back because they don’t want it. That’s why it’s such a crushing ache on the inside. We gave away a part of ourselves and it wasn’t wanted.

Love is a giving away of power. When we love, we give the other person the power in the relationship. They can do what they choose. They can do what they like with our love. They can reject it, they can accept it, they can step toward us in gratitude and appreciation.

Love is a giving away. When we love, we put ourselves out there, we expose ourselves, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Love is giving up control. It’s surrendering the desire to control the other person. The two—love and controlling power over the other person—are mutually exclusive. If we are serious about loving someone, we have to surrender all of the desires within us to manipulate the relationship.

...

You don’t need a man by your side to validate you as a woman. You already are loved and valued. You’re good enough exactly as you are. Do you believe this? Because it’s true. You have limitless worth and value. If you embrace this truth, it will affect every area of life, especially your relationship with men.

You are worth dying for.

Your worth does not come from your body, your mind, your work, what you produce, what you put out, how much money you make. Your worth does not come from whether or not you have a man. Your worth does not come from whether or not men notice you. You have inestimable worth that comes from your creator.

You will continue to be tempted in a thousand different ways not to believe this. The temptation will be to go searching for your worth and validity from places other than your creator.

Especially from men.

But you don’t have to give yourself away to earn a man’s love. You’re better than that. You’re already loved.

When you give too much of yourself away too quickly, when you show too much skin, you’re not being true to yourself. When you dress to show us everything, then in some sense we have all shared in it, or at least been exposed to it. There is a mystery to you, infinite depth and endless complexity…

Your strength is a beautiful thing. And when you live in it, when you carry yourself with the honor and dignity that are yours, it forces the men around you to relate to you on more than just a flesh level.

You are worth dying for.

If you’re dating someone, what kind of a man is he? Does he demonstrate that he’s the kind of man who would die for you? What is his posture toward the world? Does he serve, or is he waiting to be served? Does he believe that he’s owed something, that he’s been shortchanged, that he’s gotten the short end of the stick, that life owes him something? Or is he out to see what he can give? Does he see himself as being here to make the world a better place?

These are big questions you need to ask yourself.

Take him to a family reunion. Do some sort of service project with him. See how he interacts with people he doesn’t like.

Does he have liquid agape running through his veins? …

Can you tell him anything? Is he safe? Can he be trusted?

Can you open up to him, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, knowing that he will protect, not exploit that vulnerability?

Are you opening up like a flower?

When you live in your true identity, when you find your worth and value in your creator, when you live “in Christ,” in who you really are, you force him to rethink what it means to be a man.


Sex God, Rob Bell

The Dog in My Life

I've got . . .

friends in...

low places...

p.s. kudos to mom for the idea! : )

Your Book is In.

The library called to say that one of my requested books was on hold, so now I am reading Amish Grace. I am thoroughly enjoying it; plus, it's helpful to read more about my neighbors especially when it comes to "explaining" their lifestyle and beliefs to people who ask me if I am Amish. Ha.

I recommend this book!! It's not difficult reading, but definitely thought-provoking!

Summer Update

Time for another update. However monotonous it may be.

Life continues to sail along, of course. Thankfully, I've been given many more hours of work than I was expecting at the beginning of the summer. It's still not the amount I'd prefer, but since it's about 4x as much as initially given, I am extremely grateful!

I am enjoying work a bit more than I did last year; probably because I'm not at the end of the summer yet. It's still challenging and frustrating at times, and my patience is constantly being stretched and grown. But, it is a nice change to feel like I know at least a bit more what is going on... more confidence in my own skills and abilities.

I realized today that one+ month of summer vacation has already vanished! I've been doing a lot more (fun!) reading than I accomplished during the school year. Although in the last week or two the reading has slowed, so I need to pick up the pace a bit. I've finished a few of the books on my ever-growing list, and am looking forward to reading more.

I am most definitely looking forward to finally enjoying a complete weekend off! I have worked the last three weekends, so it will be nice to relax and hang out with family... maybe a fire pit and smores some night???

That'll have to do for now.

Laugh Lines are the Good Kind of Wrinkles

*One note: I think this probably came as an attachment on an email or something. I'm not condoning all lifestyles or opinions, but thought the majority were worth a smile.

• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
• If a pig losses its voice, is it disgruntled?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• When someone asks you "a penny for your thoughts?" and you "put your two cents in," what happens to the other penny? Or do you get change?
• Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
• Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety one"?
• "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? (again, sad...)
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
• Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
• What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final exam.
• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks. So I wonder, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
• Ever wonder what the speed of lighting would be if it didn't zigzag?
• Last night I played a blank tape at full volume. The mime next door went nuts.
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

And it's only the first 30 pages... !!

Today I started reading Choosing Against War by John D. Roth. I picked up the book a few months ago, but didn't actually get to reading much beyond the introduction. However, today I found myself making note after note after note. I'm certainly not far into the book, but I have a lot of appreciation for what Roth writes and how he writes it.

Here are snip-its that resonated . . .


"Chapter Four expands on one specific theme of the nonviolent power of the cross: humility. Far from encouraging a passive retreat from the world, humility seeks to embody the vulnerability of the cross in everyday human relations...In the end, Christian pacifism is not an argument to be won, or a tool for reaching ideal political outcomes, or even an airtight ethical system. It is simply a commitment to follow Jesus sincerely and completely, even if that path should lead to the cross."


Roth quoting from In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon:
"A mysterious stranger, a tramp dressed in rags, disturbs the neatly ordered life of the parishoners of First Church by interrupting their singing one Sunday morning with a request for help. When the well-heeled members reject his plea, the tramp exclaims to the congregation, 'It seems to me there's an awful lot of trouble in the world that somehow wouldn't exist if all the people who sing such songs went and lived them out.'"


"God's love for the world, expressed most fully in Christ, is genuinely good news, defying all human comprehension. God's love is unmerited, given without condition and without demand that it be reciprocated. It is vulnerable, expressed in the form of a human being who renounced his own status, assumed the role of a servant, and willingly suffered humiliation, pain and death. It is irrational, granted as freely to enemies as it is to friends. It is empowering, enabling all those who experience it to also, in turn, share it fully with others. It is persistent, extended patiently and stubbornly to those who choose to reject it. "

Me thinks.

You know, when there isn't any homework to do, it's amazing how much "extra" time a day holds . . . I spend a lot of that time thinking. Just pondering what has been, what is and what will be: typical of anyone's ponderings I suppose, since that's really all there is. Reading interesting books, listening to music. Organizing or de-organizing. : ) Thinking, wondering. Reaching in, reaching out. Working, relaxing. Missing, enjoying.

It always proves to be interesting, this thing called life.

and it always seems to need this thing I'm learning called patience. I'm trying to be patient. I wonder where it will take me?

Facebook Status

I am reading, rebuilding CNA muscles, and wishing I didn't feel like I'm getting sick . . .

but, not quite punk enough to take meds yet.

Finally.

Finally a day off after 7 straight days of work. I know; it's a taste of the real world . . . but I have also realized how much I appreciate at least one day for rest, and I also find my patience shows wear after awhile. I'm glad for the change of pace from schoolwork to "regular" work, but it's still tiring, just a different kind of tiring.

My Thoughts to You

My thoughts from tonight's drive while listening to this song . . . Remember that you're being watched... you're a role model for them, even though they're only a few years old. And, even though life might not be so easy right now, even though it might not make much sense, they're still watching you, watching how you walk through life. So you don't know what's coming next, what to do, where to go . . . continue to show them that the important thing is faithfulness in following Jesus wherever you are at in the moment, even if the place or the job doesn't look to be "long-term."

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn't have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
A green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath
His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with "s" and I was concerned
So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that

[Chorus one]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said Lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son's Scooby Doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to God like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that

[Chorus two]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

[Bridge]

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
Said my little bear is growing up
He said but when I'm big I'll still know what to do

[Chorus three]

Cause I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
By then I'll be as strong as superman
We'll be just alike, hey won't we dad
When I can do everything you do
Cause I've been watching you

~ Rodney Atkins


They admire you, and I do too.

After One Week

One week of summer down. And, probably my favorite week because most college students are just finishing their finals and high schoolers aren't free yet either, thus I feel privileged to be on vacation already. : )

What to do this summer? Well, it will be a different summer, that's for sure (see my other blog for more of that), but hopefully some fun-ness too! I'm planning on reading a lot and my list of books keeps growing. Here's a few of the sought-after titles:

• Irresistible Revolution (finished!)
  
• The Myth of a Christian Nation (working on it...)
  
• Choosing Against War
  
• Jesus for President
  
• Secret Message of Jesus
  
• Velvet Elvis
  
• Sex God
  
• Signs for the Journey
• Blue Like Jazz
  
• some other random books...

Of course, there's other things to do too, like:

- working on compiling more recipes in my album-of-family-favorites, i.e. my own cookbook instead of using mom's all the time.
- learning how to cook
- reaching out
- working through and moving on
- organization
- decoration plans (for next year's (hopefully) bigger dorm room)
- learning more about and growing in patience, grace
- maybe making cards

I'm sure other things will pop up too, but this is good for starters, good for filling in those gaps not occupied by work. Oh, and extra sleep is always lovely as well.

Familiarity

After an 8+ hour roadtrip . . .


Familiar sounds.

Home-cooked food.

Family.

Friends.

My bed.


I am excited and anxious, not knowing what this summer will hold . . . I'm sure it will be a good break, though---a good break before the exciting, but intense "storm" of two years of clinicals! Wow . . .

Extra Credit

In the last 2 days I got 32 points of extra credit in Stats . . . Not to mention the 1-3 extra credit points on each homework assignment up until that time!

That should help, shouldn't it?!! : )

Countdown Update!

• 8 days of Cedarville life left

• 4 days of finals left

• 2 days of classes left

Follow Up

Here are links to the articles I mentioned in my last blog post. I wanted to include them with that post, but they were not available on the internet at that time. If, for some reason, the links do not work, you can go to the homepage of Cedars (our university newspaper) at http://www.readcedars.com/

The articles should be included under the "Viewpoints" section of issue 10.

Weighing the Wages of War: Passing on Pacifism

Weighing the Wages of War: Rethinking the ROTC

The Defenses We Build

Yesterday, the school newspaper included two opinion-articles contrasting two views on war: pacifism and "passing on pacifism." Personally, I thought both sides, both articles were well written; however, one (I bet you can guess which one) gave way to an uprise of extreme offense on part of the ROTC members. To clarify, the article for pacifism basically (and bluntly) said that we need to get rid of the ROTC program for its role in allowing and promoting "just war." While I agreed with the author, and was glad to read such an article at this school, I could understand why the ROTC memebrs took such great offense, because the author was highly critical of the military and all recruitment programs. It is true that he showed absolutely no support for the people in those programs.

However, as I listened to ROTC students talk, in absolute outrage, about this article, I realized a completely ironic situation. Those of us supporting pacifism are criticized for verbalizing our opinions when we don't support the military; yet, the ROTC members absolutely tore the author's opinion to pieces saying that he had no idea what he was talking about, he was biased. It's cliche, but we are told to appreciate military servicemen and servicewomen because they purchase our right to speak freely . . . then can you let me voice my opinion? Can you listen while I share my thoughts, while the author of this article explains his perspective?

Hmmmm . . . they seemd to take offense that the author had not "done his research" properly, and yet, have they honestly talked to, honestly listened to someone who supports a pacifist position? Have they done their research?

Perhaps I'm biased too. . . Perhaps I am too relieved to see an article in support of what I believe in to look at the article from middle ground. However, it frustrates me that I barely breathe the words "peace" or "pacifism" before people jump down my throat and block out anything I have to say... even if it's something they've never heard before. This morning I watched an ROTC member angrily pass several copies of the article to her friends, telling them to read the poorly written, biased, offensive article (on pacifism) and then read the well-written, well-researched, non-biased article (justifying war). Did she forget this is an opinions page. . . ?

I do not deny that it is difficult for me to answer the difficult questions of what to do when widows and orphans are the victims of an injust government, what the government's role is in the world, and the ever popular what would have happened in WWII, if we hadn't invaded . . .

But, just war is a complete oxymoron. I have been baffled by the fact that recently several people in support of military action have stated this . . . yet, they still cling to and place their hope and trust in military service.

Don't get me wrong: I'm still processing, still thinking, still pondering the reasonings and justifications of different positions. But, it just seems that so many times people supporting peace are told to get their facts straight and listen to the other side . . . can you honestly listen to my side this time, without building your defense?

Warning: Random

I've decided that Ohio has bipolar weather. And, I do not like it.

The forecast for tomorrow is chilly and rainy, which conveniently impacts "Junior Jam" where the University invites little kids to come and run around outside under the supervision of college students. . . and hopefully learn a thing or two about God's love. I'm glad I'm just helping with lunch (which is inside and of short duration/easy workload).

However, it is favorably warm right now, which is wonderful.

I'm enjoying checking the stats counter I installed on my blog . . . the number listed is unique visitors, and I have access to the number of hits. It's pretty neat!

I still have this annoying cold. cough. gross throat feeling. It doesn't seem bad enough to take "Multi-Cold Symptom: Severe" medicine. I don't want to be knocked out for a week. And, no, I do not look like the picture I posted yesterday(?); it just made me laugh. Treatment equals lotsa liquids, lotsa hand sanitizer and lotsa sleep!

I guess I better watch out...

"Gummy Bears May Have Sidelined Rose"


Today a news article on AOL's homepage reports that a basketball player ate too many gummy bears and got a tummy ache . . . sounds like me with that 5 lb. bag of gummies at the beginning of the school year! : )

"Someone Using Your Room and Car"

I laughed for a while at this, so I thought I'd share it . . . My dad emailed me this evening:

"Someone asked if they could stay here and we said they could, and we also said if they needed a car for anything they could use yours. We sent some pictures of the person using them. Hope it was okay."


uhhhhh, sure... but who in the world????

The story:
I adopted the bear from a family member . . .
and it apparently is now renting my room and my car, until I get home.

PTL!

PTL for moderate motivation and good productivity!
: )



p.s. I agree . . . 23 days doesn't sound as long as six weeks!

p.p.s I don't know why the picture of a piano. I just liked it. Sweet memories of plunking away at Grandma's house. and wishing I had more time for photography right now. Hmph.