Recently, I have been questioning part of the hand i have been dealt in life.
Although part of me wants to trust the Creator for what is unknown to me, the other, larger part looks through any thin thread of hope to the doubts, the fears. This week J. M. Farro wrote, "Believing Prayer" which followed the devotional "Delay Does Not Necessarily Mean Denial." Both have found a permanent home in my new mail box, because they refresh and encourage even the most tired of hearts, the lonliest of hearts.
But, I still wonder, why?
Yes, who? is a large part of my question, but i have come to a place of trusting in that area. More than who, i question when. and if i am in a right frame of mind now, why not confirmation of some kind.
Impatience. Is it simply that impatient human desire to control that is overtaking my usually willing and patient spirit? Am I wrong to desire some sort of leading from God, something that will tell me that, yes I am following His will. Or, that I will hear a firm no. Is desiring confirmation in this area a wrong this to request from the One who watches over It All.
Those around me seem so happy in that place of blessing, of peace. Sometimes it seems that I am the only one questioning God on this issue. It's not that I don't want to trust Him. I do want to, and I want to wholeheartedly.
But, it seems that just as my story begins to change, as soon as I see a spark of confirmation, suddenly everything disappears and all is silent including the One I am trying to trust, leaving me more confused than before.
-Just some thoughts from my ever-speeding mind and heart on the topic of love, true love. Forgive me for rambling-ness resulting in confusion, or just confusion because of my questions.
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